∙ Foster Pups: Ayre (Toothless) & Yuro (Hiccup) ∙

‣ The Backstory:

I have been waiting to share the story about the situation these two came from until I had more information and confirmed it. This information comes from those involved directly with these pups. Gabriel Kieren OgleElizabeth Bounds and myself (Amanda Tromp).

I ask that you avoid contacting the owner these pups were seized from as this is not intended as a witch hunt. Tacoma Animal Control is also fully aware of the situation and has their own involvement in it.

◦ From Gabriel Kieren Ogle:

"This is a very lengthy post, but I hope you all bear through it. Seiryuu Mimura (三村青龍) has had his animals seized due to extreme neglect and abuse.

In the summer of 2017, I fostered two low content wolfdog puppies for a 'friend' in Tacoma, WA, due to him becoming homeless for a period of time after claims of an abusive partner and having to move out. I took on the two low content wolfdogs, while the other dogs in the household, besides the service animals, were also placed with fosters.

These dogs were originally supposed to be here for 2 weeks, but were with me from February 15th to May 26th, a total of 100 days, by the time him and his new housemate came to pick them up. At his insistence, I did not disclose the information that I was fostering them to the breeder. The puppies arrived wormy, which I treated with my own money, along with providing food and other financial care to them after over half of the food that he left here for them turned out to be moldy and rotten. I did not receive compensation for this or the expenses I incurred, it was done as a favor for someone who I considered a friend.

I received a few updates the first week after they went back to him, but then I received nearly no photos of the dogs for the next 6 months, only a few blurry headshots of them inside and assurances that they were doing well.

On December 20th 2017, the now ex-roomate of the owner of these dogs messaged me, with concern for the dogs (first few screenshots). You can see the claims they made there. I assured them I would stop by and check in on things over Christmas, but due to the arrival of my newest foster, I was unable to make the trip, and these messages went to the back of my mind.

January 11th 2018, I received a call from a contact in Tacoma who was friends with the owner of the pups I fostered, who had agreed to care for his dogs while he went to Texas. When he entered the home with his friend to check up on them (which turned out to be a 1 bedroom apartment, not the house that I was assured he had moved into), the conditions they found the dogs in were nearly indescribable.

The SEVEN large canines and 3 cats in the 1 bedroom apartment were matted, extremely underweight and stunted, wormy, sick, living in a filthy mess of feces and urine left on the floor, up the walls, and filling the kennels. They were no mistaking the signs of long-term neglect.

The person who had went to check up on the animals called 911 when one of the 3 German Shepherds attacked another of the German Shepherds upon their entry, and when one of the friends he brought along attempted to intervene, they were reportedly pinned down and bitten by the attacking dog.

The officers entered the house with haz-mat suits due to the amount of feces and urine everywhere, and removed the animals. They received vet care and were in quarantine. When the breeder talked to one of the officers involved, they described it as the worst neglect case they had ever seen.

Shortly after I was informed of the situation, I called the breeder and filled her in. The low content animals from her were pulled after nearly 2 weeks with AC, and are now in the care of a foster, Amanda Tromp, who will be commenting below with her assessment of the dogs' health and behavior upon pick-up, their progress, ACC's comments to her, and more--outside of the obvious health issues, these year old wolfdogs weighed 30lbs, are severely stunted growth thanks to malnutrition, and are significantly smaller than their 6 month old siblings.

***Now, upon digging, I discovered that THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED**** Sei previously had 4 dogs seized when living in Texas 3 years ago, for abuse and mistreatment charges. Two Australian Cattle Dogs puppies, one German Shepherd, an Australian Kelpie Mix, and a Labrador Retriever. Screenshots of the fundraiser he made to pay legal fees in an attempt to get them back included. I don't know how legitimate the claims of abuse were in this case, but considering the proof we have of this situation, I don't have any doubt in my mind.

On another note, Sei is a skilled manipulator and liar. He long made claims to myself and to the breeder of the low contents, that he owned a high content wolfdog named General whom he adopted from Texas Wolfdog Project, until he passed away 3 years ago. General is actually a mid content, who was not adopted out until 2017, and he is still alive. He turns people against eachother, lies to get his hands on animals, and has no qualms doing so."

◦ From myself (Amanda Tromp):

"January 11th, 2018

Elizabeth Bounds, the breeder of my very low content Dovahkiin, reached out to me asking for help. We’ve retained contact ever since I brought Dovah into my life and she frequently checks in on his well-being and asks for updates. She let me know that two of her pups had been seized by Tacoma Animal Shelter due to being in severe states of neglect. She chips all of her pups and was able to verify with AC that she was indeed the one of bred them. After presenting AC with her contract that states all pups/dogs bred by her must be returned to her in the event of a rehome, escape, owner can no longer care for them, etc they agreed to return ownership to her. Unfortunately, due to the condition they were in… they highly recommended against the pups traveling back to NC to be returned to Elizabeth. This is when she reached out to me asking for assistance. I agreed without hesitation and offered to foster them until a home was found for them. Elizabeth spent the next several days working with AC to figure out the foster situation and get them to release the pups to me. At this time I knew very little details about the pups aside from the fact that they were over a year and had been badly neglected. A period of quiet passed while AC was stabilizing them and getting them healthy enough to leave the facility.

January 25th, 2018

I received a message from Elizabeth sharing that AC had approved my request to foster and that they were now stable enough to leave the facility. I immediately contacted them and arranged to pick them up the following morning. At this time they only gave me very basic information about the boys and stated they preferred to address any questions I had in person.

January 26th, 2018

I drove the hour to Tacoma to pick up the boys. When I arrived I went through the entire process of registering myself as their foster. I paid the $25 reposition fee per pup and went over what was done while they were there. They had treated both boys for fleas, ticks and parasites. They tested negative for everything; however, did have bad cases of giardia. They were treated for this at their facility. Both boys received IV fluids during their stay and were syringe fed food until they were strong enough to eat on their own. Their body condition coming into the facility was 2/9 (which is horrific). Yuro weighed just barely 19lbs, while Ayre weighed just over 20lbs. During their stay they had managed to gain a little weight and were up to right around 25-30lbs. After hearing all of this I asked the AC officer what had happened. Her response was: “I can’t disclose this information right now; however, this is the worst case of neglect and abuse that I have seen in my 15 year career.” My heart broke hearing this.

At this point she went to go and grab Ayre and Yuro so I could take them home. I was expecting two 60-80lbs fluffy wolf dogs and was met with complete shock, confusion and sadness. The boys she brought out were tiny. They looked like puppies. My 6 month old weighs 44lbs and is the same height as these two 1.5 year old dogs. They were severely stunted due to malnutrition and hadn’t properly grown at all. Both of them reeked. The odor that rolled off them was something I will never forget. A combination that smelled sour and musty. A mix of homeless, urine and fecal matter. Their coats were matted messes and their legs, bellies, butts and tails were stained a yellowish brown from prolonged exposure to their own waste. They were terrified of me and it took some calm coaxing to finally get them into my car. The ride home was spent with the windows open in desperation to not suffocate in the stench.

The first thing I did once I got home was get a bath going. The boys were itching non-stop and were clearly horridly uncomfortable. I filled the tub with oatmeal puppy shampoo/conditioner and started the bathing process. I bathed one boy at a time and it was a very difficult process. They were terrified of human contact and I moved slowly as possible to not startle them. Ayre started to relax a little in the tub once he realized I wasn’t going to harm him. I did my best to get off as much of the filth as possible. Yuro was next and was completely rigid and stiff throughout the entire process. Anytime I raised my hand to wash him- he flinched and cowered. The water was an awful black/yellow by the time I finished and there was a slimy/oily residue left. I knew one bath was not going to do the trick. Even after a thorough scrub down they still smelled awful. As to not overwhelm them- I gave them a break by introducing them to my dogs.

They were immediately dog social and quickly warmed up to Kyro and Dovah. Zooming around the yard like they had never experienced this much open space before. This was the first time I got a small glimpse of their personalities. They behaved completely like puppies and were full of spirit. Seeing them play with Dovah broke my heart further as you could really see just how stunted they were. Both of them stand just slightly shorter than Dovah. I spent several hours outside with them. Photographing them, watching them play, offering treats and trying to earn their trust. Ayre warmed up to me fairly quickly… Yuro was terrified. As the evening rolled around I decided it was time to give them another bath. Their dread lock matted hair was so bad it was clearly causing discomfort and pain.

The second bath I filled with coconut oil/milk/honey and oatmeal. Both of them were much more relaxed for this bath and were significantly less smelly/itchy. Ayre really began to warm up to me at this point and was comfortable wandering the house. Yuro continued to prefer to be outside, or hiding somewhere in the house that was as far as possible from any human. I stayed up until 4AM with them this night to ensure they were OK. They received their first raw meal and grooming. Ayre greatly enjoyed it and rolled around loving his belly being groomed. Yuro took some time to wrangle, but then after several minutes of brushing relaxed and enjoyed it as well. A disgusting film continued to come off/out of their coats. The grim was so thick on their skin I wasn’t sure if I would be able to even remove it with bathes.


January 27th, 2018

Continued grooming was starting to improve their coats. They looked less mangy, but I still had major concerns for their skin health. The contact of the waste filled hair had cause severe rashes all over their skin. The rashes were huge welts and were clearly uncomfortable. I spent several hour long sessions working to cut out mats and trim the nasty hair around their feet away. It was at this time that I noticed how soft their paw pads were. Their pads felt like they’d never experienced any type of activity. They felt like the soft pads of a newborn puppy. Several of their pads were also filled with open sores that appeared to be infected. I soaked them with epsom salt and dressed them with antibiotic cream.

Since I’d had them for 24 hours at this point I started to do a behavior assessment of them. They were more settled into the space and I wanted to get to know their personalities. Ayre was very friendly and receptive to affection. He grew extremely skittish anytime anything above a low whisper was used. Yuro was just terrified. Terrified to the point of soiling himself anytime you stepped in the room. At one point I sat at the other side of the room, looked away from him, extended a hand in his direction and just waited. Just this gesture terrified him. He started yelping wildly, frantically running in circles and ended up flopping down and rolling onto his back as he peed all over himself. This reaction completely devastated me and had me immensely worried about whether or not he’d recover enough to actually go to a home or require being placed in a sanctuary.


January 28th, 2018

This was the turning day for both boys. I strongly believe that the consistent grooming sessions allowed enough trust build for them boy to start coming out of their shells. Ayre at this point was fully comfortable with me. He actively sought out attention, affection and brought me toys to play with. Yuro, whom I spent extensive time working with, finally started to approach me confidently. He began to seek me out, sleep on dog beds int the same room as me and even started desiring affection. Elizabeth and I had been in contact throughout this period of time and I was providing her with updates on how they were doing/behaving. She was horrified to hear how terrified they were of people, but was relieved to hear they were working through it. We discussed what steps would make sense moving forward and wrote up a list of requirements for eligibility of adoption as well as an application for them. It was also decided that for the dogs sake and to prepare the future owners- I would take them to the vet hospital I work at and have them evaluated. At this point I had already invested $800 in care for them and expressed that while I was happy to help- financially this was not something I was anticipating. I budget for two dogs and additional in case of emergency. Four dogs (two of which were in horrible shape) was not something I was expecting. Due to this- a fundraiser was set up to prepare for potential health costs.


January 29th, 2018

I felt comfortable bringing both boys (and Dovah) to work at this point. They had warmed up fabulously and I was hopeful that continued human interaction would do them good. I also wanted to get their health evaluated and see what recommendations the Dr had going forward. They did amazingly (more so than I predicted) at work and loved the attention they received. They actively approached people, leaned on them and asked for attention. No stress expressed behaviorally, or in their posture.

At the end of my shift I had them evaluated by my Dr. and received a mix of good and bad news. Ayre (who I had started to call Toothless) has some major dental concerns. Two of his canines are purple from root to tip and somewhat transparent. This is a sign of major trauma to the tooth and very commonly seen in dogs that chew at their kennels to escape. With how severe the trauma is- the Dr explained that this is from very prolonged exposure to constant chewing on the crate. He also is missing several molars. His teeth are coated with plaque and honestly look like the teeth of a 8-10 year old dog vs a 1.5 year old one. She highly recommended seeking out a dental specialist as there’s a high chance of infection and it’s likely this is painful. I have dental consultation scheduled for him next Thursday at 8AM- it’s very likely he will require dental surgery.

Yuro (hiccup) checked out better than Toothless did. While his teeth are also in bad shape, they are in significantly better shape than his Brothers. He overall appears to be in better health.

Both of them are still horridly skinny, but have gained just over 6lbs and are 3/9 in body condition- which is progress.

The Dr. did not feel X-Rays for their joints/bones is needed at this point in time. I had expressed concern about how their malnutrition had stunted them and she said unfortunately any long term damage really wouldn’t show until they reach 3-4 years and are really going into adulthood. There are not overt signs of any damage right now. No inflammation, limping, swelling, pain, irregular extension, poor extension or discomfort.


January 31, 2018

This Is really all I have to share up to this point. They both are set for dental consultations Thursday at 8AM next week. They both are set for a professional grooming from a Northern breed experienced groomer to help remove the rest of the mats, clean up the stained coats and provide a sanitary trim to stop the rashes caused by the build up in the belly/butt hair. Applications for adoption are continuing to be received and there’s extremely extensive review that is going on for each one. They will not be going to a new home until the perfect one is found."

I will be posting updates to my photography page as I learn more and to keep everyone updated on their progress going forward.

I’ve linked corresponding updates I posted to my photography page above.

Here’s also a album I’ve been sharing photos of them in:

◦ From Elizabeth Bounds:

" "I'd sell my heart for stones,
Leave it all behind and fade away,
To feel your purest blue,
I can feel your purest blue,
For you I must be strong."
- Nevermore, "Sell My Heart for Stones"

It's taken me quite some time to come to you with the facts because my heart and my mind are still so clouded with emotions such as anger, betrayal, and pain. It's a never-ending cycle. At some point, I will have to accept what happened was out of my control and move on. But the resolve I seek eludes me. 

The only thing that has kept me going, were the wise words of a friend. He told me that it was the sad fact of life. To know you did everything right, but because of some smooth-talking liar, a monster gets off the hook. Not his precise words, but as an officer of the law, he could relate to the grief I was feeling. 

1/17/17 - 2/1/17

I made a mistake. 

My mistake was that I trusted too much. I didn't fact check, I didn't ask around if anyone knew anything. As far as I was certain, the people who knew this person and were mutual friends were highly regarded in the WDC. He said that he owned upper mid and high content pups and later explained that he always got siblings and it was a toss up between getting my pups or another upper mid. Then it made sense why these friends were on his list. Or so I thought...

Who was I to question? He had more experience in higher contents than I did, supposedly always raised siblings together, and painted this story - this life that really didn't exist. But it all sounded good. Said all the right things. He could have sold a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves. I hate to use the cliché, but it's true. He sold me a lie. So I assumed that things like litter mate syndrome and their quirks were something he was experienced in. Pulled the wool over my eyes and often times redirected my attention to something else much like a magician would to avoid being asked certain questions.

Now that I read the conversations over again (and believe me, it is very hard as my anger is nowhere near quelled), I feel quite sheepish. The questions that I asked other owners, I missed on him. But as I remember, I was never innocent, myself. I was a master manipulator and my brother - a pathological liar. I knew the signs. Here they are in front of me, and I missed them. Every. Single. One. Because I trusted too much.

By this time, we are typing books to each other. Becoming friends and BSing in between asking/answering lineage information and sharing photos. I got comfortable and sent the application and continued to talk to him. Once that was filled out and I looked over the county information, I approved and we began discussing shipping and shot schedules. 

I pleaded with him to give me regular updates because these two were my favorites from that litter. So much my favorite, I kicked around the idea of keeping who is now known as Toothless. Then, he was Acheron. It was my favorite name that I picked for the litter and I saved it for my favorite boy. The other, Hiccup was known as Tartarus. I can't help but feeling like I damned their fate naming them after the manifestation of the darkest corner of hell and woe. They've endured both hell and woe. But I digress...

He informed that he was a professional photographer and would indeed send me regular updates.

I took them to the vet, got their microchips, their shots, and then came Feb 1. I put them on the plane. I actually felt good. I still cried letting their sweet faces go, but I really thought they were going to a great home.


This was the day he finally got them home. I received a photo update along with a confirmation that they made it safely. I shared in his joy that they made it safely and that they were all that he wanted.

Feb 2017 - Dec 2017

During this time, I received updates and photos that were scattered but not as frequent as I hoped, but I understand raising two puppies can be difficult. Especially siblings which I presumed were being separately socialized and bonded to in shifts. I was lead on to believe that the photos taken during their stay at Gabriel's were his house. That he was the one there taking the photos. I was under the impression that Gabriel visited frequently and brought his dogs to play and socialize. 

Another lie.

I had no idea of the other animals that were there or whether they were acquired previously or after. He never mentioned them. I saw a picture of a German Shepherd somewhere along the way, but I wasn't aware there was more than one.

About the time they resumed living with him, the updates became even more spread apart. The same blurry not-so-professional-photographer-like head shots Gabriel received were most-likely very much the same ones I was receiving. I looked over those photos and didn't see any red flags. They appeared to be very well taken care of and loved. I was given assurance that they were safe. 

He frequented my puppy group interacting and commenting on other things some of the other pups were doing. Comparing them to the other litter mates. Telling how good they were doing and what he did to resolve certain behavioral issues. It seemed as if they were coming along great.

Sometime in December, he asked me if any other pups had any allergy issues. One of his pups were starting to get some discharge from their eyes. I mentioned that Holo was also having some issues with allergies. I inquired about them and once again was assured that they were doing well and happy.

1/7/-2018 - 1/8/2018

So I lied. It was 3 days - not 2 that I received a photo update of them.

This was the biggest red flag. 

I missed it because when you hear about your pups having seizures, the last conclusion you want to make is that they're sleeping in their own urine and feces. 

9:22 am I awoke to a message saying that he took Ayre to the ER due to seizures. He said the vet suggested it was a shunt effecting his normal kidney usage and they wanted him to put Ayre down. He was going to go to a different vet to seek a second opinion. 

But apparently didn't run tests to find out for sure.

I told him I wanted updates and immediately let him know that I would be there to help if he needed it. I researched shunts and found there to be other options. I questioned it and tried to track down something else other than losing him.

He mentioned that they did an unauthorized parvovirus test to which came up negative. An exam and a glucose test which all also came up normal. I've never dealt with parvo, so I wasn't sure how all these tests were related at all. My synapses just weren't firing. It was early in the morning and I was flipping out wondering if my pup was going to make it.

I asked if he was taking any medications to which I found out he was on allergy medication. I thought it may have been a negative reaction to the meds but didn't stop asking what he was taking. I asked if he gave anything like Trifexis which can cause issues if the proper dose isn't given. 

Questions which went ignored.

I stressed and paced all day waiting for something. It was disheartening and I was truly concerned if he would pull through whatever he was going through. It didn't make sense, but I still didn't question it. I trusted I was being told the truth.

Later that afternoon I checked in again and received an update. They went to another vet where he received a Valium to keep him calm while they ran tests to which apparently were inconclusive or he hadn't received results for. 

He told me he wasn't eating and hadn't for 2 days and just wanted to worry about getting him to eat to which I presumed him being thin was due to not eating...

Finally, about 9:37pm or so, I received an update and a photo that he was finally eating after he made mush out of the kibble. I was starting to feel better. No more seizures, eating, feeling better... What was there to question?

Between this time and the time of the seizure, I was not aware that he was going out of town. I would have advised against it given one of them were just having seizures. 

1/11/18 & 1/12/18

8:19 pm, I received a call I received what felt like an urgent message from Gabriel. 

This is the part of the story I walked away from for hours because I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone the facts with out adding my fury and my pain. The one part that I couldn't even begin to illustrate the turmoil I was feeling. I tried over and over again to swallow my tears. To try and process what Gabriel told me. The kind of shock you feel that grips your chest and you walk around for days feeling impaled. To move caused me pain. To talk. To speak. To think of what my boys had been going through and I didn't see it. 

I could bare it. As we hung up, I choked on a sob and gave a curt "Bye". 

I paced, I screamed, I hyperventilated, I asked myself "How?"

Through tears, I contacted the one person I knew I could trust. The one person close to that area that I hoped with all my bleeding heart would help me. 

I don't ask for help often, but I had no other choice. If the pups were in as bad of condition as Gabriel told me, they would not make it on a cross country haul; by air nor by ground. For air or ground, they would have been denied health certificates upon their vet check. I didn't find any of that out until later, but my primary concern was finding some one to hold on to them until I could make arrangements to get them home.

I let Gabriel know and the waiting game began. I had to wait until 11 am the next day for Tacoma Humane Society to open the next day. On the east, that means 2pm. It was a painful wait. 

As soon as the clock struck 2, I was on the phone. Hanging up and calling back until someone answered. I'm screaming, crying, falling apart - demanding to know where my pups were and if they're ok. I was passed to about 3 associates, all of which told me they could not release information about them and to contact this person. Finally, someone gave me the direct line to animal control.

I called, no one answered, I left a message, hung up, and called again. And again. And again. One of the times I hung up and went to hit redial, a call from Tacoma, WA came through. I answered and finally got some answers. 

They were indeed, in critical condition and were receiving around the clock vetting. They were working hard to put fluids and food in their system. 

He told me there were some questions he wasn't allowed to answer pending the possible prosecution, but that he would gladly answer whichever questions he could. 

My main concern, of course, was if they were going to pull through. 

He said that he ran the chip and they did find my name and information. I wondered why they hadn't called me, but I was on the phone with them now. I suppose that was irrelevant at that time. To my surprise, he said they were brown and white huskies.


I told him they were actually a gray and white. He didn't respond.

The associate asked me a few times what breed they were. Said they were claimed to be huskies but appeared a little small to be huskies. He asked me what their expected weight was supposed to be. I replied that there was a pretty big gap in litter mates. Some were as small as 50 lbs and others were as big as 80-90lbs. It all depended on which genetics they inherited more of. He cut me off when I asked what he meant by small. 

Obviously something he wasn't allowed to answer at that time, but it was quite frustrating.

He asked for my information, Amanda's information, and the previous owner's information as well as some details from the contract. 

While I was searching for his contract, I asked Gabriel for some assistance to find his latinized name since it was written in Japanese on his Facebook. About the same time found the contract, Gabriel provided me with his full legal name.

I called back and was able to give him a full recap of the name and contract details such as the phone number and address I had on file.

He made it clear that there was a procedure and they couldn't release them until their vetting and the paperwork was cleared. This made me a bit frustrated, but I understood they had to abide by the law.


As the days went on, the associates' names that now elude me, kept regular contact with me, asked more questions regarding the contract and any information he could gather for the prosecution and repo of the pups. They were very thorough, and still the questions I could ask were very limited. 

They were still trying to stabilize the pups, but they were recovering. That was about as much as I could gather from the updates. They weren't confident that they would be able to undergo any surgeries (neutering) as their health wasn't optimal for going under anesthesia, but they were making a recovery, nonetheless. 

It didn't matter where I was or what I was doing, I stopped to take those phone calls. I was excited but dreaded them at the same time. I was excited to know how they boys were recovering but dreaded the possibility that it might be THAT call. The one where they tell me that one or both of them succumbed to their condition.

My husband shared in these dark weeks with me and told me he wanted to bring our boys home. I wanted them home, too. So badly. I wanted to hold them and spoil them and tell them how sorry I am for letting it get this far. But that wasn't going to happen.

The calls they made to gather more information were more frequent than the updates and it continued to irritate me about the questions they wouldn't answer.  He told me he didn't mean to dodge my questions, but he would answer anything that he could. It didn't make me feel any better until he reassured me that they're safe, alive, and they're being cared for. That's all he really could tell me. I suppose that should have sufficed, but it hardly did. I was losing sleep and no less stressed than the days before.

The previous owner tried to make contact with me. I honestly couldn't say what he said. I hardly read them and was short and snappy with him. Firstly, I didn't know what was the truth and what was the lie. Secondly, I didn't know if it would help or hurt me if the case was taken to court. The last thing I wanted was to be served papers for saying something I shouldn't have. So my responses were short and vague.

On the 25th, I was informed that they former owner filled out a release and I could now contact my foster to come and get them. They were still really weak and underweight but just healthy enough to give to my foster. They advised against me bringing them home until they were in better condition, but that Amanda being a local wasn't out of the question. They also told me it was best to cease contact with the previous owner and basically tell him it was no longer his concern at this point.

I am starved for vengeance on behalf of my boys, but I have to trust that the universe will somehow absolve itself from such monsters.

Amanda called and made arrangements to pick them up the moment they opened the next day.

Now that they were with someone who could tell me more than "they're doing ok," I was sent further into a dark oblivion than I was before. It was very hard for me to pick myself off the floor. I know Amanda needed me to pick myself off the floor and arrange and prepare for their future and stop having episodes, but I couldn't pick myself off the floor. 

I cried for my boys. I wanted them home. I wanted to tell them how sorry I was. That I failed them and it was my fault. Yes, I know - they're dogs and they wouldn't be able to understand that anyway. I grieved, anyway.

That's about when I had the aforementioned conversation with my law enforcement friend (Thank you - If you're reading this, you know who you are!) whom for privacy and safety reasons, I won't name. 

I'm still shocked and horrified and have my moments where I feel responsible and horrible for all the terrible things that happened to them. But I've buckled down and am securing their future. I can't change the past and I am only human. But I can change the outcome of the future. I've been working around the clock looking over applications and taking extra steps to ensure they find forever homes. 

I even worked through my 4 year marriage anniversary putting together the fundraiser that will pay for all of the care that they need, sorting through applications, and reading county ordinances. My husband is away for weeks at a time and I hardly spent a worthy moment with him the two days he was home. 

Amanda has been a great help in this process and I do appreciate the second pair of eyes. After these events, it's hard to trust anyone. 

No one will ever be good enough for them. Ever.

But a gentle, caring voice of reason is helping me see through this veil of angst and turmoil to ensure that their best interests are forwarded through this process. 

Please understand that this is traumatic for me and if this doesn't answer all your questions, I'm sorry. If you'd like me to answer more questions, I will. But the one thing I will not do is try and justify my decisions with someone who is going to try and rake me over the coals or accuse me of one thing or another. I do not have to explain myself and I won't if I get that feeling.

This has been a total, indescribable nightmare for me. Please be respectful."

‣ Updates since this was originally shared (added 2.16.18):



Images from the day of the seizure for these guys has been released and can be shared. I have placed them in the link here: 


Please be warned that the images found in that album are disturbing and heartbreaking.